Rare Blogness

Obviously, I don't update this blog a lot. Obviously, no one really cares. But since I'm bored at work again, I thought I would list some funny (and terrifying) stories about my students and the community.

1. "By the way"

When I was in junior high school, everything was hilarious. Maybe you thought so, too. My friends and I would regularly get hung up on one joke, saying, word, etc., and wear it out within a week's time. Japanese junior high schoolers are no different. The latest trend is approaching me with "By the way, Thomas," and asking some mundane question or quoting their social studies teacher or some ridiculous platitude. For example:

"By the way, Thomas; do you like sushi?"

"By the way, Thomas; 'Of the people, by the people, for the people.'"

"By the way, Thomas; 'Love is the most important thing in the world.'"

2. The Finger

Remember when network television stations would show heavily edited movies weekly? I still remember, "And now we return to 'The Bodyguard' on the ABC Saturday Night Movie." They still show those in Japan, but they're not so heavily edited. I've seen Die Hard maybe four times on a major network since I moved here. I can't remember the middle finger popping up in Die Hard, but apparently it's popping up somewhere on TV because one kid sticks it in my face every time I see her. The gesture has no inherent meaning in Japan, but she clearly understands that it does in my culture. Mind you, this is the worst kid in my school. She obviously has problems at home and some major emotional issues in her personality, so I guess I feel sorry for her. But that's hard to do when she tells me to "Eat shit and die" and salutes me middle-fingeredly whenever I go to her class.

The worst incident happened one day when she came to class late as usual. The chalkboard had not been erased from the previous class, so the English teacher asked her to erase it. Noticeably embarrassed, she went in to class clown mode as a defense mechanism. She begrudgingly took the eraser, then looked at me, handed the eraser in my direction and told me in Japanese to erase the board. Knowing that I'm not allowed to discipline students, I tried to keep cool and replied in English, "No, I'm tired. You erase it." This pissed her off mightily. She started throwing a fit, yelling in Japanese, "Speak Japanese! Speak Japanese!" I tried to ignore her, and after she gave up the fit, she stuck the eraser in my face, just close enough to make me flinch but not actually touching my face. She threw the eraser down, and stomped and harumphed back to her seat. She pouted and ignored the teacher and me for the entire class, and when class was over, she walked up to me, told me in Japanese to "go to hell" or "eat shit and die" (there's a veritable bouquet of colorful phrases her expletive translates to) and gave me the finger.

So this is now a ritual no matter how much I ignore it.

3. Old People Who Speak English

It's a daily struggle to get kids to be enthusiastic about learning English, but elderly people are the exact opposite in this town. I'm not complaining, but it's always a little odd when I run into an elderly stranger who speaks perfect English. One of my favorites is the clerk at my local post office. Anytime I go, she's more than eager to ask me how things are going, and she even gives me a little gift most times (last time it was a packet of instant coffee).

Strangely, I've met very few Japanese people my age here, but it's been no problem meeting and hanging out with older folks. I've even been invited to a weekly gathering to "lecture" about Alabama because they admittedly don't know much about my home state.